I'm so tired of feeling hurt and like I have no one on my side. Nina screwed up...She didn't cheat or anything stupid...she wouldn't. But she's really, seriously let me down/hurt me, this time and I'm having a really hard time dealing with it because I have no one I can talk to about it.

For those of you who don't know the history, I'll fill you in briefly. There's a guy who Nina's been friends with for years, called David. She was crushing on him way back before she knew him. Throughout the time Nina and I have known each other...or at least, when we began to grow a lot closer, his friendship with her caused a lot of issues between us, namely caused by jealousy on my part. When Nina and I became a couple, my issues with him escalated as more and more frequently, he was overtly flirting with her and it bothered me. I told her as much and she tried to brush it off with the kind of "That's just david being David" attitude. However, things got worse. David started acting suspiciously and intentionally gave Nina the impression that there was something he wasn't telling her. In short, he acted the exact same way that I did when I realised I had feelings for her. Coincidence? It's possible. Consider however, the fact that he was aware of exactly how I behaved and acted and the things I said and did because Nina would always talk to him about it. Needless to say, Nina was under the impression that he might have feelings for her and thus, as you can imagine...there was no doubt in my mind that this was the case. This caused a LOT of problems between us for a long, fucking time. However, he agreed to tell Peninah what it was he was hiding, come the end of the school term. So, the whole thing died down and things were better. Shortly thereafter, Nina started an afterschool scheme thing every tuesday, however, between the time it started and the end of school there was a good hour or so, as David lives closer to both places then she does, she started going to his place after school every week. I didn't have so much of a problem with it, but in light of all the issues we'd been having in relation to him I was slightly wary of the whole situation. I, however, said nothing.
Then it began again...David was acting increasingly suspiciously, flirting with her more and more openly and it was making me very uncomfortable...I had to say something and things got blown out of proportion, causing yet more problems. Despite this however, and despite my feelings about the situation, Nina went to his house again that tuesday (when things were at thier worst). Although, I didn't find out until two weeks later, a situation arose that afternoon in which, they were lying next to one another on his bed (she had crashed there) talking and 'out of nowhere' he wrapped himself round her and was nuzzling her...from what I understand, she made it obvious that she wasn't comfortable with him doing so and he moved/let go...Now, maybe I was making a big deal out of nothing? But that got to me, to such an extreme...the resulting discussion ended with me asking her to stop going back to his house every tuesday (something which she resented me for to this day) ...although, we did agree that she could go back once more as he'd gotten a puppy recently and he wanted her to come over and see it and she promised that after that, she'd never go back...after that, everything quieted down. Things, to an extent, actually got better. At the end of the school term he claimed that in so far as what he was keeping from her goes, he was making the whole thing up and there was nothing after all. *cough*bullshit*cough*

Now, here's where I start writing about the whole reason behind this post. Prior even, to me asking Nina to stop visiting him, but almost directly after the whole 'incident' the two of them were suddenly distanced (Coincidence? ...Right) and so she didn't end up going to his place to 'go see his puppy'...in fact the whole thing completely slipped her mind. She didn't forget that she promised not to go to his place again. I know this for a fact because last week, no less, we ended up talking through the whole thing from start to finish all over again.
Yesterday, she was feeling down and was talking with David. I'm not sure how it came about, but ultimately, he decked out his room with new stuff and asked her if she'd come over to see it. Knowing how I felt about it and remembering her promise...She agreed and did so. She told me last night when we were talking after saying she didn't want to tell me because she 'didn't want me to be mad/disappointed' ...My first reaction was 'That's okay.' because, I remembered what I had agreed. ...Then after a while, it occurred to me that she didn't even remember that I had agreed to whatever...After talking with her about it, I realised the truth behind why she thought I'd be mad... She conciously decided to break her promise (as she believed she was doing) and go to his house, despite how I felt...despite knowing how it would make me feel if she did so. She knew (or rather, thought she did) that I would be mad with her or disappointed/upset with her...that I'd be hurt...and she didn't fucking care. She just did it anyway...

I felt like I came to terms with the whole thing last night...But I woke up this morning and it was the first thing on my mind and now I find myself feeling as though my trust for her has been broken. I knew how self-centred she could be...but I never truly believed that she could willingly do something that she knows would hurt me...and yet here we are.
It isn't the fact that she went to his house. It's the fact that she went to his house, believing that it would upset me and not caring.

I can't talk to her about it any more then I already have because she just does the whole 'fine. It's all my fucking fault. i'm horrible. Happy?' kind of thing...and guess what! That doesn't help .____.